It's been almost 3 weeks since we've been back from our cruise (which was fantastic! Totally worth all the hard work!) and getting back to real life after 11 days of basically no diet has been tricky. I had my goal of not gaining while I was gone, and while I didn't quite make that, I only gained 2 pounds. I came home weighing 172.4. Happily as of this morning, I'm weighing in at 168.8.
It's been difficult getting back into my healthy habits, especially with no looming cruise deadline. God's had to really work on my motivation and remind me that I choose this lifestyle because I want to be obedient to Him, not because I want to look hot in my size 10 jeans. Made to Crave, the book I've been reading, has been a huge help in getting my focus back where it should be. I'm on my third time through the book and I have a funny feeling it won't be the last time I read it cover to cover.
In the book, Lysa talks about how a way to grow closer to God is to give up something that is permissable but not beneficial. I experienced that in a big way this week. My department at work does a Thanksgiving potluck the week before Thanksgiving, including everything from turkey (the smell wafted through the office all morning as it finished cooking) to mashed potatoes and gravy (my favorite thing ever) to an array of desserts. When situations like this come up in my life, my immediate response is always "well, I won't be dieting on THAT day." But this year, as I struggled to get back on the healthy eating wagon, I felt God tug on my heart. I had been crying to Him that I was having a hard time, and that the department potluck wasn't going to help, and I felt like God said, "So don't eat it. Spend time with Me instead."
Don't eat it? Skip out on the opportunity to stuff my face with all my favorites? Endure the smell of baking turkey for 3 hours and then pass on the chance to EAT IT? Oy. I don't waaaant to. But, when God asks me to do something (or in this case, NOT do something) I have a very hard time saying no. (The guilt is horrific and NEVER worth it) And it was beyond obvious that it was the best choice for me. So I helped set everything up, then snuck off to my favorite coffee shop for a drip coffee and some Jesus time.
I'm so glad I did. The times when I feel God's presence intensely have become so very precious to me, especially in my "grown-up" years. I think He knew I needed that when I was younger in order to hold on to my faith, but now those times are farther between. So as I sat with my headphones in, playing BarlowGirl's "Enough" I started to cry as I felt God's presence reassuring my heart. Food may have power over me, but God's power is greater. He can deliver me. He WAS delivering me, right that second, as I had been given enough will power by His Spirit to walk away from my favorite meal. In that moment it was crystal clear... Food has no lasting benefit. But my relationship with God? It's EVERYTHING.
I know it may not seem like an "either/or" situation, but here's what it comes down to for me: I can either be ruled by food, or ruled by God. I can focus on food or I can focus on God. Even when I'm dieting, if I'm just focused on what I CAN'T have, food is still the ruler of my thoughts. But if I shift my focus, turn my eyes on Jesus, seek first the kingdom of God, I gain everything. Everything that lasts.
I know this struggle with food isn't over, but this week I let God fight one of the battles while I sat by watching. And He SLAUGHTERED my enemy. Maybe one day this lesson will be completely solidified in my head and heart, that if I try to do this on my own, I'll fail. But if I fall at Jesus' feet, He'll carry me through.
So this Thanksgiving season, I'm so very thankful. Thankful for all the amazing blessings God's given to me. And right this second, I'm especially thankful that my God is a warrior who fights for my heart.
I hope you remember what and Who is most important this season. Not in a "you should feel guilty" kind of way... I just know I want to keep Him first in my heart because it is worth so much more than anything this world could offer. Especially mashed potatoes and gravy. ;)
<3 Leigh
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