What Happens After "Before and After"

Before, 230 pounds

After, 155 pounds

My weight went up by about 5 pounds recently. This puts me at 175. Which is 25 pounds away from my dream goal and about 15 pounds away from a healthy BMI.

I have some excuses or "reasons" for why I put on the weight... I was sick for nearly 3 weeks, which put exercise off the table, while also making my regular dieting ways difficult. My grandmother passed away and my family was going through some stressful changes, and stress makes my body hold on to weight even more than usual. On top of that, I had some tests done and found out that certain hormonal levels are dangerously low, which will cause weight gain. I also have some unreasonable excuses... mainly little compromises that build on each other. But nothing I can't make a turnaround on with a little help... I hope. None of this equals a hopeless situation.

But here's what I hear in that paragraph above: blah, blah, blah. Excuses, excuses, excuses. And the girl who always feels defeated inside me grabs the mic and starts in on me. "This is what happened last time you put all your weight back on. Little by little. You thought things would be different, but clearly you're destined to be fat. Look at yourself even now! Your pants are too tight and you've got a gut!" She doesn't end there, but for your sake, I'll end there.

In addition to defeated girl, that old vanity monster still lives inside my head (although I've shot the thing a lot... somehow it grows back if you don't watch it carefully) and it is PISSED. It starts telling me that extreme measures are now absolutely necessary. Things like just not eating become tempting. I just want the weight off NOW. Screw the whole "healthy" path.

Needless to say, there's a lot of feelings of guilt, shame and discouragement flying around right now. I'm feeling desperate. I just want some control with this and I am tempted to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

And suddenly, the warning alarm starts going off.

One guess who I'm not asking for help or guidance from. That's right... God. I've done what I usually do all over again: started out with all the right motives and tools and then slowly edged God out of the equation all together because for some reason I think I've got it handled now. Which reminds me of a bipolar person who goes off their meds because they're feeling better. A.k.a. it's INSANITY. You don't walk away from the thing that keeps you healthy because you are now healthy! You cling even more desperately to it because it's shown itself to be effective! What is with us always thinking it'd be better if we were in control of our lives instead of leaning on God in complete trust?

Satan wants to lie to me and tell me there's a faster way. An easier way. A shortcut. And it's total crap. The ONLY way out of this for me is by surrendering each day, each meal, each bite over to the Lord. And then also asking for help and motivation to move and strengthen my body. Now there are practical things involved with this. There are habits and accountability that need to be in place. There's also some hormonal imbalances that are getting worked out. But ultimately, this is me surrendering my desire for thinness over to God. Again. Because as much as I'd love to take a shortcut and look good in pictures at my sister-in-law's wedding in 3 weeks, if that shortcut costs me in the long run, it's not worth it. I don't want to compromise what I know is right for a "right now" feelings boost.

My accountability partner/nutrition adviser gave me some great advice a couple weeks ago when I called crying in frustration. She asked me to write down all the things that are good right now. All the things that make this time different than last time. Here's my list:

Things that I'm thankful for/where I've made progress/still to be done:

• I'm eating healthy foods, not letting unhealthy food choices rule
• We're working on getting my hormones regulated
• I'm going to order vitamin D to help with the depression and weight stuff
• Sally thinks my blood work is good!
• I'm making changes that will benefit me for the rest of my life, not just make my weight go down right now 
• My energy levels are increasing and working out is possible again (weights make my body really happy!)
• Ben thinks I'm beautiful no matter what weight I am and wants me to be healthy more than he wants me to be thin
• This is not the same as the last time I was at this weight. I'm not making excuses to eat crappy, food is not in control, I have accountability and support.
• I have Katie and Sally on my team! They're here to help me figure things out! :)

All of that reminded me that I'm not stuck. There's no need for me to become desperate. There's no need for me to take a deadly shortcut, because I'm still on the right path, even if the scale isn't my friend right now. Don't get me wrong, I still want to take the shortcut, but that desire is greatly diminished by the fact that I know it's not worth it (and not necessary!).

So here's me preaching to myself (maybe a few of you out there can say something similar to yourselves)...

Leigh, you were once a girl who was out of control. You ate horrible foods and made a lot of excuses. You binge-dieted and then binge-ate. All of that lead to uncontrolled weight gain and a pants size of 22. BUT YOU ARE NOT THAT GIRL ANYMORE. You are a size 12! The size of those ripped jeans you hung on your door and dreamed of wearing! You looked at those jeans and thought they were tiny. That's what size you are RIGHT NOW. So stop freaking out about right now's appearance and start working on what needs to be tweaked. The key word is TWEAKED. An overhaul is not necessary and that differentiation is EVERYTHING. Take a deep breath, lean hard into the Lord, and keep moving forward.

*takes a deep breath*

Okay. Here we go. Again. Or still.

Also, here's what I look like now. It's clearly nothing to freak out over. And like I said, the 230 pound version of myself would KILL to look like I look right now. So thank You Jesus, for bringing me this far and for being trustworthy to finish the good work You started in me.

After after, 175 pounds

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

New Year, Old Me

A few days ago something completely normal happened... the clock struck twelve. Yet for most of us, it did so with extreme significance. Many of us looked back at 2015 and did a mental catalog of all that's happened, both good and bad. And if you're like me, you looked at a little list you'd made a year prior and did a quick "did I measure up?"

I don't know if I've gone a year yet without making a list of New Year's Resolutions that didn't have at least one pertaining to weight loss. Last year was no different. I wrote down "Get down to 150 or a healthy weight." You know how much weight I lost in 2015? Zero. I didn't lose any weight in 2015. To be completely honest, it took me a second to shake off my disappointment in myself (old habits die hard). But after thinking about it for a moment, I quickly realized how foolish my disappointment was.

I didn't lose weight last year, but I most definitely did find my healthy place (which is usually strongly correlated with my happy place) with my weight. If you've read my last two blog posts, you know God has done a lot to change my heart regarding how I view food and how I view beauty (to sum up, I'm addicted to food and I often equate my value with how beautiful others think I am). God's helping me work on both these issues and 2015 saw me freed from a lot of chains. But one of His biggest gifts came to me on Christmas morning (well timed, God).

I honestly don't know how it came about, but Ben and I were talking about weight-loss for whatever reason and something suddenly became abundantly clear. Having an extra 15 pounds on my body is a huge benefit to me. Let me explain...

 For those of you who know me, my greatest desire in life is to be some kind of a counselor. I crave serving others in their dark emotional moments, helping to bring comfort and hope. What that looks like exactly in the future is still up for debate, but one thing has been essential in my ability to counsel others. People need to trust me. A couple of friends at our small group once called me disarming and I called Katie and told her that I'd finally found a compliment that I'd rather get more than "you're beautiful". Being disarming means others find me more easy to trust. And if they trust me, the better the odds they'll share the hard stuff in life with me. So what does all that have to do with my weight loss?

Confession: I immediately distrust and/or despise hot girls (blonde ones most of all, for some odd reason). What I mean by "hot girls" in this case are those who look like they have their beauty all put together. They're "perfect" in their bodies, their hair, their clothes, their makeup, etc. It's ironic that I hate them because I also have spent most of my life trying to be one of them. Although this isn't too ironic, because jealousy and hate go hand-in-hand. All that being said, God hit me upside the head on Christmas morning with this truth: if being "perfect" outwardly (and we all know perfect is used loosely here, because it's a completely unattainable thing... I'll always want a few more pounds lost, or blonde hair, or the loose skin on my legs and stomach to go away, etc.) makes me less approachable, disarming, and/or trustworthy, then I don't want it. I actually, truly don't.

Why in the world am I chasing something that not only is unattainable (there will always be someone prettier than me, as we previously talked about), but can also have the capacity to make me less capable of doing the thing I love most in this life?

This hit my heart like a ton of bricks. And I cried (no shock to anyone). Side note: what was kind of hilarious about this scene is all of this happened in the middle of a conversation with Ben, but the logic and truth was getting worked out completely inwardly. So when the truth hit and I started crying happy tears, Ben had no idea what was going on. Poor guy. Anyhooo... I felt free. Once upon a time, a couple of decades ago, God helped me see how my extra weight had been a protection for me (long story, I'll write it out a different time). On Christmas morning, He showed me how a little extra weight was not a liability/burden at all... it was an asset. 

I'm very glad the Leigh on New Year's Eve last year added "... or a healthy weight" to my 150 pound resolution. Because now I look at that resolution and know that God helped me attain it. God helped me in 2015 to become more healthy in body (cutting out sugar and working on making my body healthy, not thin), mind (I actually don't want to be thin! HURRAY!!!) and soul (food is a sin issue for me and I don't want it to rule in my heart). 

For the first time ever, I think I'll leave off a weight loss goal on my list of 2016 resolutions. I might have some semi-related goals (getting my back strong and healthy comes to mind), but I think I'll leave off the rest. More than anything, this is what I want:

"But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13b-14

Happy New Year, all.

Addiction

My mom went to rehab when I was 10 years old. She had struggled with her drinking mostly in secret for years, using alcohol as a crutch when she was overwhelmed by feeling like she didn't measure up. In her desperate attempt to be perfect, she drank to cope, because as we all know, no one can really "do it all" and certainly no one can do it all perfectly. Then after many years of struggle, she decided to quit and went to rehab to kick the addiction for good.

My mom has now been sober for more than 20 years. I am so incredibly proud of her and could go on for many, many paragraphs about how her struggle has affected and influenced my life for the better. She is my hero and because of her transparency, I have seen God do amazing things through her.  But before I get on a roll gushing about how great my mama is, I should probably get to what's relevant to today's post. My mom is not the only addict in my family. I stand there with her.

For years my struggle with food has been one between vanity ruling and food ruling. Some days I'm motivated by affecting the scale (and my waistline), some days I'm motivated by what feels good right at that moment. "I don't care," I tell myself, while shoving more tater tots in my mouth. And it's a lie, of course, because I DO care. But what I often care about is not being healthy or holy, it's about being thin. Anybody out there understand what that's like?

In the last 5ish years, I've asked God to help me find the right motivation. Wanting to be thin hasn't been enough of a motivation to keep me from going back to food. Wanting to be healthy hasn't even really done it, although it's helped. Food still has me shackled. I am food's slave. And where I was deceived the most in the last few years is I thought I had it "mostly" under control. 75% of the time, I could do the right thing, make the right decision about food. And that was a huge step forward in comparison to what it had been in the past. But as we all know, that last 1/4 of the time can completely destroy the good done in the other 3/4.

So I searched for a better dieting plan. I tried out more rules, more strategies, more recipes, hoping it would be the difference between success and failure. And, no surprise, I would always end up right back where I was. Feeling defeated and a bit hopeless. Wondering exactly what it was that I was doing wrong or shaming myself mercilessly for not being more self-controlled. But I never addressed the biggest issue at hand: I am an addict. And before I can find the right healthy eating plan, I have to confront this much larger elephant in the room.

Often in the past I have treated this ferocious monster more like a stray mouse. For instance, when I screwed up a dieting plan, I would tell my accountability partner with a bit of laughter in my voice, "Oh man, I screwed up so bad the other day... I think I ate a dozen cookies in like 10 minutes." And we'd laugh and commiserate and say "it happens" or "we all have those days". And that was all. But here's the thing: because I am an addict, just like my mom is an alcoholic, I cannot treat these moments like they're no big deal. If my mom had a glass of wine, she would be breaking 20 years of sobriety. And my eating addiction needs to be treated with the same amount of gravity.

Jesus said that if your arm causes you to sin, it's better to cut it off. In that same vein, I've decided to make some drastic changes, not unlike what my mom has had to do. Here's my new list:

1. I will make my home a safe zone. Food that has a hold on me will not cross the threshold. 
• This includes throwing out or donating all items that are not on my healthy eating plan
• If I host a dinner or party where non-diet items are around, those items will either be sent home with a guest or thrown out. The whole "but there's starving children in Africa!" mentality does not apply here because starving children in Africa do not benefit from me eating 5 extra brownies. 
2. I will invite God into my "non-diet" food choices. 
• I realized that I had basically been giving no thought or prayer to my food choices on "off days" or "off meals". It's like I'd been happily handing the reins over to food. I was treating those times like people do Las Vegas: What happens during off days, stays during off days. And we all know that slogan is total crap. 
3. I will tell trustworthy people just how serious this is for me in order to help hold me accountable.
• My mom is quick to tell people she's an alcoholic. It's the best way to keep her safe from temptation. If everyone knows she shouldn't drink, she won't be thinking about whether she can get away with having a glass of wine. Same deal with me. While I can't tell everyone I know I'm a food addict (the lines aren't as clear with food as they are with alcohol, unfortunately), I can tell key people. For example, the girls in my small group are definitely going to know about this, so that when we're out to eat together and I don't order anything, they don't do the girl pressure thing ("live a little!") or think I'm on some crazy diet.
4. I will have someone in my life who is similar to an AA sponsor.
• My best friend Katie is currently holding this role. She is working toward becoming a nutritional adviser and I'm her guinea pig. Total win-win situation.
5. I will not make a decision to make an exception in the moment. Ever.
• Anything not on the diet plan gets run by Katie at least 24 hours prior. That way I will never have a doubt in my mind about whether it's a good idea or not.

Instead of battling this monster from the same angle I have been over and over again for years, I feel like I'm finally attacking from the high ground. I've underestimated my opponent in the past and it has been my downfall. I think Satan even let me gain some ground to make me think that I was on the right track. But I'm not falling for it anymore. I'm done building this house on sand. I'm going to start giving myself the foundation I need so that when the wind and waves hit, I don't go running to the cookies.

The bottom line is this is a sin issue for me. I know no one wants to look at eating that way, and it may make some people think I'm over-spiritualizing, but for me, it's the truth. I'm letting something other than God rule. That's idolatry. So I'm going to have me an idol-burning party. :)

I beg for your prayers in this. Ben and I leave on vacation in 3 days and vacation has generally held a "no rules" mentality for me. It can't be that way ever again. I have to view it like an alcoholic going out and getting plastered and thinking it doesn't matter. That's ridiculous. And it's the same way with me and food. But I finally feel confident that this is the right path. Not to make me skinny or even to make me healthy, but to make me free. I think the other two will come shortly afterward.

Moving forward in faith,
Leigh

Battling in the Promised Land

It's been a long time. Which means I'm going to write a lot. And it's not going to be well-written, either, because if I try to tell myself it has to be perfect, I'm not going to write at all. So, because of all that, let's start with something funny to make you actually want to read the rest of the blog (I'll throw more in here and there to keep it interesting):

Let's just state the obvious first. It's been 3 years since I've written here. Which means it's been over 4 years since I started this crazy journey. Although, of course, my "healthy lifestyle" journey has been going on since long before I ever decide to have weight loss surgery. I do feel like it was a turning point, however. It's a place in my journey where I want to lay down stones like the Israelites did after they crossed the Jordan river (you can find the story in Joshua 3).

Like the Israelites, I feel like I had wandered a long time in the "weight loss" desert. I can even think of how my first huge weight loss moment that had happened a few years prior had kind of been like my emancipation from Egypt. I thought I'd never be free of the shackles of my weight and food struggles. And then God got me out and gave me miracles I didn't deserve. I lost 80 pounds, got married (which I had only thought would be possible if I were thin), and felt confident in how I looked for the first time in my life. But again like the Israelites, I hadn't learned the lesson of complete dependence on God. My eyes were on the deliverance and the promised land, not on God. And slowly but surely, I fell back into all the same problems.

All that fancy analogy means is that my motives weren't yet in check. I wanted to lose weight because I wanted to be thin. I wanted to be thin because I wanted to be beautiful. And I wanted to be beautiful because I felt I was worth more as a person (in my eyes and in the eyes of others) when I was pretty. And I didn't think beautiful and overweight were ever a package deal.

What happened right around the time I had surgery was a moment of surrendering my dieting and weight-loss journey over to God. My instinct was to make this all about vanity and I knew that had to change. It wasn't easy and I'm still fighting the instincts that were a part of how I thought for so long, but I can see clearly how it was the beginning of using my weight-loss struggle as a way to draw near to God. And in the process the struggle itself became not to be thin, but to be healthy in mind, body and soul. There are a few important truths there that I'm now getting my mind to actually believe:

1. My worth as a person is not tied to my weight or how thin I am. (Original faulty belief: thin = pretty, pretty = valuable. Faulty belief brought on by: being a teenager. Or walking through the mall. Or any pretty girl on television/movies/Miss America pageants. I could go on, but we all get this one, I think.)
2. Just like every other girl out there, I have a beauty that is all my own and was never meant to be compared to anyone else's. (Original faulty belief: if I am in a room with someone prettier than me, I am no longer pretty. Faulty belief brought on by: see above.)
3. Being thin and being healthy are not the same things. Just because I can keep my weight down does not mean I have a healthy mindset about food. In addition, an unhealthy mindset will eventually come back to bite me. (Original faulty belief: if I work out enough, I can eat whatever I want and then I'll be healthy AND not have to worry about my eating habits! Faulty belief brought on by: a certain family member who runs marathons and then eats licorice and peanut butter for breakfast.)

So here I am 3 years later. Here's the nitty gritty weight update: As of yesterday morning, I weigh 169.6 pounds. I'd maintained my weight between 155-160 for about 2 years and then last year we went through a crazy period where I put on about 10 pounds. The short version of the story is that we were in the process of moving across the country and I thought God had told me that as long as my clothes fit and I felt good about myself, He didn't want me to get on the scale. I honestly don't know if that was God, (and because of the result, I somehow doubt it) but regardless, I gained all the extra poundage in about 2 months. When we got to our new destination, I got on the scale and about died. And if I'm honest, I've been struggling within 5 pounds of that weigh-in weight since then.

Because of my weight going up (and unfortunately my pants size going up a size as well... yuck), I've recently jumped back on the weight-loss wagon. Now as many of you know, maintaining and losing are two very different things.

Maintaining is much more relaxed. A pound up, a pound down, no big deal. Losing weight means I'm suddenly much more stressed out about the scale. A pound down means nothing until I've gone at least a week with that pound still down. And dear Lord, if I go up a pound, it's DEVASTATING and turns me into a guilt-ridden mess who suddenly is going back through every bite to see where I went wrong. Eating while dieting can be even more of an unhealthy obsession than eating when not dieting. Which seems backwards to me, because I'm trying to be healthy.

All that being said, this time around, I am tweaking a few things. God's wisdom has taught me that focusing all day on the food I'm eating (or not eating) is not healthy. I have enough healthy habits that are cemented into my life (including not having any "binge items" in my house), that I don't have to be super strict and have the diet take over my life. I don't have to count every calorie. What I do have to do is listen to God about my eating.

Now I know that sounds super overly spiritual. And to be clear, I'm not saying I wait for the Holy Spirit to "move" before I allow myself to eat. It's not that dramatic. What I do is invite God into the kitchen with me. I talk to Him when I'm making my food choices. And, of course, He's with me in Costco, too, because we all know I'm not making it out of there without a pie in my cart if God's not helping me. :)

I've never been very good at stopping before my plate is empty, so I try to be more aware of His voice while I eat, too. Just because there's "only two" bites left doesn't mean I have to eat them (no joke, I've literally heard God tell me "no" when I already had the bite in my mouth. And He's had to remind me that I hadn't swallowed yet.). I try to listen when I load up my plate, too. For example, sometimes there's just a little more than enough leftovers than I really need. And my old instinct is to just put it all in my bowl. God's been teaching me that there's no reason to do that. Even if there's only a few bites left of the leftovers after I serve myself, it's better left in the fridge or even down the garbage disposal than put into my body when I'm already full.

Other than that, it's just one obviously good (or even "better than bad") choice at a time. And like Lysa TerKeurst talks about in Made to Crave (insert broken record noise), one victorious choice at a time leads to victory.

So, here's what all that practically means for me right now: I'm heavier than what I believe is healthy. I need to be more diligent about my choices and I'd like to lose some weight. Exactly how much is debatable. I'd love to be at 150, but I'm not holding myself to that number. I'm talking to God about it. I know my body would feel better if I built up some muscle (I've had some random health/body-broken issues lately), so I'm working on that. There are a few strict "rules" I hold to, but I like to think of them more like boundaries. I eat a protein-rich breakfast every morning. I only have one cup of coffee a day. I don't bring food into the house that I know will test my self-control. There are lots of other things, too, and maybe in my next post I'll lay it all out.

The first time I lost all my weight was a miracle God provided through basically perfect circumstances. The second time, it was a journey I took with God step by step, learning complete dependence on Him and, in the process, learning that the "promised land" of my weight-loss journey looked completely different than the one I had pictured. Now I feel like I've been dwelling in the promised land for a while, but some Philistines I didn't quite annihilate the first time around have reared their ugly heads and God and I are going back out to battle and claim the land. My prayer is that He'll help me truly clear out all the "idol-worship" that I have going on. I don't want to put my vanity or anything else before God. I want to honor Him in my eating and in doing so, honor Him in my life.

Back to Basics: Tools and Rules (Top 3)

Well hello there! Two and a half months later and I'm finally back in front of the computer writing again. It's been a crazy few months... my husband and I have gone on vacation, moved, almost moved again, and been running from one social obligation to another. But I'm excited to be back at the keyboard, if for no other reason than to kick-start my healthy habits.

Oh! But really quick, for those of you who remember me mentioning my "prom night" date that I was going to have with Ben, here's a photo (strapless gown for the win! Thanks Jani Snell!):

In the last year I've been asked now and again how I've managed to drop the weight (currently at 158 pounds, by the way). I thought I'd take some time to write out my "how-to" guide so that I have somewhere to point people in the future when I'm asked this question. It will also be a fabulous reminder for me on what I need to continue do to be successful. I'm calling them my "Tools and Rules". Today I'll start with my top 3.

(One quick disclaimer: I use the word "diet" a lot. I really hate that word because it's become so taboo over the last few years. I always get the people who look at me with condescension and say "it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change". While I totally agree with that statement, that this is much more than just changing what you eat for a short period of time, I don't mean "diet" when it's defined like that. The word diet has two definitions in the dictionary. The noun: "The kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats." And the verb: "Restrict oneself to small amounts or special kinds of food in order to lose weight." While I am "dieting" by making restrictions on myself, I'm also simply talking about my "diet", as in the foods I eat habitually.)

Rule/Tool #1: Jesus & Made to Crave

The foundation for truly changing anything from bad to good in my life will always start with Jesus. It has only been with His guidance and grace that I've managed any of this. The best tool He gave me for this specific battle is a combination of His Word (which I need to use waaaaay more often than I do) and the words of Lysa TerKeurst in her book, "Made to Crave".

Lysa has been dealing with the struggle of food for many years and as many of us do, she's sought to find the right balance between saying no to food and saying no to vanity. In her book, what she really teaches her readers is to not just say no (and live in constant deprivation) but more importantly to say "yes". Yes to filling your life with God and choosing to redirect your unhealthy food cravings towards the One who you were created to crave eternally.

She gives her readers some practical advice on how to do things, but she does not say one diet plan or workout routine is best. I really appreciated that because I don't think one diet fits all any more than one cocktail dress fits all. Everyone is made differently, enjoys different foods, and usually has a specific workout that they know they will actually do. My diet and workout routine might be the perfect fit for some of you out there, but I know better than to think it will "work" for everyone. What will work is to lay down your eating habits at the cross and ask Jesus what needs to change about them. For me, food was in control of me instead of me being in control of my food. That needed to be dealt with (and still is dealt with) everyday while I figured out what my new lifestyle would look like.

Above all, my attitude about food, health and beauty needed to change. They were all tied together in this secret place that I wouldn't let God touch. Reading Made to Crave and giving God full access to this struggle was essential (and still is) to making me successful long term and not making it about the wrong things like looking hot in a mini-skirt. 

I recommend this rule/tool for everyone who struggles with food more than once in a while and wants to know what God thinks about your eating habits.

Rule/Tool #2: Food/Workout Tracking

This tool has been one that more recently I've been able to shelve, but was absolutely essential in the beginning of my journey. The web has tons of these tracking websites (Lifehacker lists their top five here), but my weapon of choice has been Sparkpeople.com. Sites like SparkPeople offer much more than a place to write down how many calories you've consumed. They offer food, workout, and goal tracking, while supplying you with recipes, fitness articles and testimonials of others who have been successful in their weight loss. They also offer a place to connect to others while you go through their weight-loss journey. You can access SparkPeople from your computer, but it's also available as an app on Android or Apple devices. I strongly encourage anyone starting a weight-loss plan to check out a site like SparkPeople and look into all they have to offer.

Tracking helped me be realistic about what I was eating and how much I was working out. It held me accountable and gave me parameters to stick to. Because I was such a major food addict, I needed all the boundaries I could get. I couldn't be trusted (still can't!) to make decisions in the moment. I needed a plan and rules in place so that I knew when it was okay to say yes and more importantly when I needed to say no to certain foods.

I recommend this rule/tool for anyone beginning their weight loss journey and in need of some structure. So basically everyone who wants to change their eating/workout habits and knows that simply wanting to change isn't enough. You need the how.

Rule/Tool #3: Greater Curvature Stomach Plication

This is the most controversial and drastic tool I've put in my dieting tool belt. Let me start by saying weight loss surgery is not for everyone. Most people will not need to do what I chose to do. And for those of you thinking about if it's the right step for you, I strongly suggest you do your homework, talk to your doctor and pray about it. It is not a cure all or a magic bullet. If you are not dedicated to changing how you deal with food (and your health in general), surgery will not fix your problem.

There are now many options available for someone considering weight loss surgery, all of which have their risks. Plication surgery is very new on the market, but the studies done have shown it to be one with the fewest complications and highest success rate long term. Also, since there's no device to implant (and pay for) it's one of the cheapest choices. This procedure was presented to me while I was looking into lap-band surgery, otherwise I would never have known about it. After much prayer and research, I truly felt God had brought this opportunity to me and two months later I was under the knife.

Plication surgery was just one more boundary put in place to keep me safe. When I do make indulgent food choices, it limits the amount. Even when I'm eating healthy foods, I used to have a very hard time with portion control and the surgery changed that for me. About a cup and a half of food and I'm basically stuffed. That means that things like buffets are no longer a temptation, since I'd barely be able to eat half a plate's worth anyway!

I recommend this rule/tool only to those who feel their eating is truly out of control, and only after much thought, prayer and research. You need to know the risks involved and know your own body's ability to handle those risks.

So there's the top three things I use in my healthy eating journey. I'll add to this list in my next post, giving a bit more of the "secret recipe" to how God's helped me lose 74 pounds.

Much love,
Leigh

Before and After (As Promised)

April 8th, 2011 at my friend April's wedding.

May 13th, 2012. Back in my wedding dress for the first time in 5 years!

1 Year Later

I've got a fun story to tell you...

I've been working hard this past week and a half, as I told you I would in my last blog. I needed to be at 157 on my scale in order to be at 160 on my doc's scale. After working hard (I COMPLETELY cut out sugar, amongst other things) I was hopeful that I might just make it. So, I woke up yesterday, did my usual pre-weigh in routine (go to the bathroom, undress, take hair tie out), stepped on the scale and saw: 159. I wasn't going to make it after all.

I can't lie, my heart broke a bit. I told God I was bummed, but that I knew He wanted me to remember how far I've come and that I also wasn't done yet. This is a lifelong change that I'm just at the beginning of. I did my best to get my heart right and remind myself that God's plans are bigger than a number on a scale and that I can trust Him with what was happening. Then I finished getting dressed, ate very little so that I would at least be as low as I could be at the doctor's office, and headed off.

When I got to the doc's office, I got changed into my wedding rehearsal dress (I got in my wedding dress earlier this week!! Such a fun bonus!). It's a simple black dress that's light weight, chosen because I knew there was going to be pictures, and also hoping it wouldn't affect the scale much. I had gotten my confidence back a bit, after all I had lost 73 pounds by my scale. That's nothing to sneeze at! I was shown back to an exam room, and got on the scale, ready to give my "well 98% excess weight loss is not bad!" speech. Then I looked up at the number:

160.0. On. The. Dot. 

I know God must have been smiling with me at this point. I didn't hear Him audibly, but I knew He was saying to my heart: "I needed you to turn your eyes on Me and My purposes for your life. I needed you to remember that it's just a number on a scale. I needed you to know that you're working so hard to please Me and bring Me glory, not your doctor. Once you had that straight, I was happy to give this to you, too." 

God has done so many miracles in my life. And yesterday He gave me one more. Looking back on the last year He has done so much; taught me and changed me and given me victory over things I thought would hold me forever. Thankful doesn't begin to describe how I feel about what He's done. And I won't stop at being thankful, either. I believe God has empowered me to defeat these demons not just for me, but so that I can help others know there's a way out, too. We all have our addictions. We all have our everyday battles that beat us down. But let me tell you something: God is bigger. And He wants in on the fight. You don't have to do this alone, no matter what your struggle is. God doesn't want you to try and fix your problems on your own. He knows you can't. He also knows He can. I'm living proof.

In the future, I hope to help women in the church specifically with this food battle. Two-thirds of America is overweight and the church is no exception. What that says to me is that food is an issue that people need God's help with. So often it's looked at as something that we need to do on our own. I mean, it's almost weird to think that God cares if I have another brownie. But He does. God cares about anything that is hurting us. Anything that is the master of us. And if we're consistently overweight and can't manage to control our food choices in order to help that, then food has become our master. I learned that the hard way.

So we'll see what God's going to do with this. I hope to be His tool to help others in any way He sees fit. I want others to experience the freedom that I've come to know. I want everyone to invite Jesus into their battles so that they can finally see victory.

(Steps off soapbox...)

Thank you all for supporting me through this last year. I'm not done yet, I actually still have another 9 pounds I want to lose regardless of what the doctor says, but I know I'll get there soon. Until then, I've got some fun plans to celebrate how far God's brought me when Ben and I go visit my folks in Vegas in a week and a half!

My plan for the future of this blog is to start including some healthy lifestyle "tips" that I've found the most beneficial. That will help keep me on my toes, too, and encourage me to keep looking for ways to be more healthy in a manageable way.

Much love to you all,
Leigh

P.S. Before and After pictures will be coming shortly!! (Ben saw the "before" picture and went, "noooooo..." it was pretty funny.) :)