After last week's disappointing trip to the scale, I'm ecstatic to report that I managed to take off five pounds! It's a good thing, too, because for a couple of days there, I had scared myself into believing that the weight was just going to start piling back on. It's crazy how easy it is to let my fears take over.
Today I am having two very important "lasts". The last day of my post-op diet. (No more nonfat refried beans!) And the last day, hopefully, I will ever look down at the scale and see it begin with "2". Tomorrow will mark four weeks since my surgery and I'm cautiously optimistic that the scale might be my friend and drop me down from 200.6, to 199.8. If it doesn't happen tomorrow I won't be terribly upset, but I'm hopeful.
Tomorrow also brings me back to Dr. Michaelson's office for my four week check-up. I'm nervous about the appointment, mostly because I don't want to disappoint him. I hope I've lost enough to impress him! I know that might seem silly, but I feel like I have something to prove right now, and I might as well take advantage of the extra motivation it brings. I've managed to workout three times in the last four days and I'd be lying if I said it didn't have something to do with my appointment/deadline. It helps to have that kind of accountability.
It's been almost a month since I last had a real "bite" of food, so I'm also very excited that tomorrow brings the promise of "real" food! The last two weeks have flown by, thankfully, but this soft food/liquid diet has definitely gotten old. I'm so excited the day has come where eating chicken and a salad is an option! (Did any of you who know me well just say to yourself, "Okay, who IS this girl?") And it's not just the food choices I'm excited about, it's also the knowledge that "regular" food will stay with me a lot longer than soft/liquid food does. I look forward to not getting hunger pains two hours after a meal! (Can you blame me?)
I must admit, I'm slightly nervous about eating like a normal (although much smaller-stomached) human being again. Ben wanted to take me to the Cheesecake Factory after my doctor's appointment to celebrate, but I turned him down. (Once again, those who know me are saying, "Okay, that's it. The real Leigh has been kidnapped. This is an impostor.") I want to be sure that my stomach can handle the regular food, which means easing into this. No matter what I decide to eat, small bites and chewing like CRAZY are definitely on the menu. I'm not willing to risk getting sick, especially since my abs are still not back to normal. So I'll take things easy and see how it goes.
That's all for now. I'll be sure to report back soon with another update on this whole crazy process. And hopefully, I'll be on the lighter side of 200! :)
<3 Leigh
Monday, June 13, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
I Couldn't NOT Share This...
Shortly after writing that last post, I sat down to read my latest "quiet time" book. It's called Made to Crave (by Lysa TerKeurst, in case you're interested) and, as you may have guessed, it's all about food (and weight) struggles and how to cling to God in order to overcome them. This quote hit home in such a profound way that I had to stop and share it. I feel like it's relevant to everyone, as it applies to God's sovereignty in what we each struggle with:
"When I get all caught up in how unfair it is that my friend is skinny and doesn't have to work at it, how she can eat what she wants when she wants, and how much it stinks that I can't be like her, I remind myself that God didn't make me to be her. You see, He knew even before I was born that I could easily allow food to be an idol in my life, that I would go to food, instead of to Him, to fulfill my needs. And in His great wisdom, He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of such a choice, so that I would continually be drawn back into His arms. He wants me to come to Him for fulfillment, emotional healing, comfort--and if I could go to food for that and never gain an ounce, well then, what would I need God for?"
Anybody else feel that information hit their heart and explode in wonder? Why is it so easy for me to forget that God doesn't do anything without a purpose? And not just any purpose, a purpose for my good! This weight/eating struggle is not useless! Whatever you struggle with isn't either! And I know for me, that changes everything.
It also brings to mind what the Apostle Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
9 But he said to me, j“My grace is sufficient for you, for kmy power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that lthe power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 mFor the sake of Christ, then, nI am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. Forowhen I am weak, then I am strong.
My weaknesses, if I let them, will draw me to the Lord and allow God to do BIG THINGS through me! And I'd rather have God's strength than mine, even if that means I have to live with weaknesses.
Anyway, like I said, I had to share. I hope all of this blesses your heart as it blessed mine.
<3 Leigh
"When I get all caught up in how unfair it is that my friend is skinny and doesn't have to work at it, how she can eat what she wants when she wants, and how much it stinks that I can't be like her, I remind myself that God didn't make me to be her. You see, He knew even before I was born that I could easily allow food to be an idol in my life, that I would go to food, instead of to Him, to fulfill my needs. And in His great wisdom, He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of such a choice, so that I would continually be drawn back into His arms. He wants me to come to Him for fulfillment, emotional healing, comfort--and if I could go to food for that and never gain an ounce, well then, what would I need God for?"
Anybody else feel that information hit their heart and explode in wonder? Why is it so easy for me to forget that God doesn't do anything without a purpose? And not just any purpose, a purpose for my good! This weight/eating struggle is not useless! Whatever you struggle with isn't either! And I know for me, that changes everything.
It also brings to mind what the Apostle Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:
9 But he said to me, j“My grace is sufficient for you, for kmy power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that lthe power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 mFor the sake of Christ, then, nI am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. Forowhen I am weak, then I am strong.
My weaknesses, if I let them, will draw me to the Lord and allow God to do BIG THINGS through me! And I'd rather have God's strength than mine, even if that means I have to live with weaknesses.
Anyway, like I said, I had to share. I hope all of this blesses your heart as it blessed mine.
<3 Leigh
A Bump in the Road
It hasn't been a week, but I'm sitting down and writing today because I need a dose of drive and accountability.
I have good news and bad news. The bad news first: I put on a pound.
Now before you judge me (although Lord knows somehow I still judge me) you should know the circumstances. I've been having really bad hunger pains. So bad that they wake me up in the middle of the night and make me want to curl into the fetal position. They come during the day, too, as soon as an hour or two after I've eaten. I assumed this was because I was on a soft/liquid diet and the food was just going through me too quickly. In order to combat this, though, I've had to be eating quite a bit more than I had been. I'm not eating junk food or anything, but even eating healthy, with how often I've had to eat to keep the pain away, I've definitely had more like 1500+ calories a day instead of the 800 I had been eating. This has just been since Tuesday, thankfully, but it's still meant I've put on a pound. And that I don't like.
The good news? I talked to my surgeon yesterday, inquiring about how soon I could start working out, and as I told him about the hunger pains, he quickly told me that those weren't hunger pains, it was my stomach trying to undo itself! Now, I know that doesn't exactly sound like good news, but to a girl who just had surgery in order to be LESS hungry, it was faaaabulous news. This pain will pass (I would assume, anyway... I somehow lose my brain every time I'm on the phone with him and forget to ask obvious questions. Something about him going to like, twenty years of college makes me so intimidated I can hardly talk.) and until it does, the answer isn't eating, it's ibuprofen. And thankfully, the calories in ibuprofen are minimal. :)
What this means for me today, is that I can go back to the diet that will continually help me take off the pounds without being in pain! And when I got on the scale this morning (I'd been avoiding it for the last few days because I knew I'd been eating too much to lose anything) it did two things. It discouraged me, of course. But it also reminded me that I have a cruise in 20 weeks. And if I want to be back at around 150 pounds, I need to lose at least 2.5 pounds per week. Every week. There's no waiting til tomorrow or Monday or next week. I have to do this right now. That knowledge, thankfully, has put me back into attack mode.
I'm telling you, my friends and family, about this goal. If I say it out loud, or write it down and publish it in this case, it helps to solidify my resolve and move forward with tenacity. By God's grace and with His help, I will conquer this. One step at a time I will climb this mountain and I can't WAIT for the view from the top.
So... first step down. My next step will be spending some time at God's feet, asking for His strength and perspective. :)
Thanks for all your love, support and prayers. They mean more than I can ever tell you.
<3 Leigh
I have good news and bad news. The bad news first: I put on a pound.
Now before you judge me (although Lord knows somehow I still judge me) you should know the circumstances. I've been having really bad hunger pains. So bad that they wake me up in the middle of the night and make me want to curl into the fetal position. They come during the day, too, as soon as an hour or two after I've eaten. I assumed this was because I was on a soft/liquid diet and the food was just going through me too quickly. In order to combat this, though, I've had to be eating quite a bit more than I had been. I'm not eating junk food or anything, but even eating healthy, with how often I've had to eat to keep the pain away, I've definitely had more like 1500+ calories a day instead of the 800 I had been eating. This has just been since Tuesday, thankfully, but it's still meant I've put on a pound. And that I don't like.
The good news? I talked to my surgeon yesterday, inquiring about how soon I could start working out, and as I told him about the hunger pains, he quickly told me that those weren't hunger pains, it was my stomach trying to undo itself! Now, I know that doesn't exactly sound like good news, but to a girl who just had surgery in order to be LESS hungry, it was faaaabulous news. This pain will pass (I would assume, anyway... I somehow lose my brain every time I'm on the phone with him and forget to ask obvious questions. Something about him going to like, twenty years of college makes me so intimidated I can hardly talk.) and until it does, the answer isn't eating, it's ibuprofen. And thankfully, the calories in ibuprofen are minimal. :)
What this means for me today, is that I can go back to the diet that will continually help me take off the pounds without being in pain! And when I got on the scale this morning (I'd been avoiding it for the last few days because I knew I'd been eating too much to lose anything) it did two things. It discouraged me, of course. But it also reminded me that I have a cruise in 20 weeks. And if I want to be back at around 150 pounds, I need to lose at least 2.5 pounds per week. Every week. There's no waiting til tomorrow or Monday or next week. I have to do this right now. That knowledge, thankfully, has put me back into attack mode.
I'm telling you, my friends and family, about this goal. If I say it out loud, or write it down and publish it in this case, it helps to solidify my resolve and move forward with tenacity. By God's grace and with His help, I will conquer this. One step at a time I will climb this mountain and I can't WAIT for the view from the top.
So... first step down. My next step will be spending some time at God's feet, asking for His strength and perspective. :)
Thanks for all your love, support and prayers. They mean more than I can ever tell you.
<3 Leigh
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