1 Year Later

I've got a fun story to tell you...

I've been working hard this past week and a half, as I told you I would in my last blog. I needed to be at 157 on my scale in order to be at 160 on my doc's scale. After working hard (I COMPLETELY cut out sugar, amongst other things) I was hopeful that I might just make it. So, I woke up yesterday, did my usual pre-weigh in routine (go to the bathroom, undress, take hair tie out), stepped on the scale and saw: 159. I wasn't going to make it after all.

I can't lie, my heart broke a bit. I told God I was bummed, but that I knew He wanted me to remember how far I've come and that I also wasn't done yet. This is a lifelong change that I'm just at the beginning of. I did my best to get my heart right and remind myself that God's plans are bigger than a number on a scale and that I can trust Him with what was happening. Then I finished getting dressed, ate very little so that I would at least be as low as I could be at the doctor's office, and headed off.

When I got to the doc's office, I got changed into my wedding rehearsal dress (I got in my wedding dress earlier this week!! Such a fun bonus!). It's a simple black dress that's light weight, chosen because I knew there was going to be pictures, and also hoping it wouldn't affect the scale much. I had gotten my confidence back a bit, after all I had lost 73 pounds by my scale. That's nothing to sneeze at! I was shown back to an exam room, and got on the scale, ready to give my "well 98% excess weight loss is not bad!" speech. Then I looked up at the number:

160.0. On. The. Dot. 

I know God must have been smiling with me at this point. I didn't hear Him audibly, but I knew He was saying to my heart: "I needed you to turn your eyes on Me and My purposes for your life. I needed you to remember that it's just a number on a scale. I needed you to know that you're working so hard to please Me and bring Me glory, not your doctor. Once you had that straight, I was happy to give this to you, too." 

God has done so many miracles in my life. And yesterday He gave me one more. Looking back on the last year He has done so much; taught me and changed me and given me victory over things I thought would hold me forever. Thankful doesn't begin to describe how I feel about what He's done. And I won't stop at being thankful, either. I believe God has empowered me to defeat these demons not just for me, but so that I can help others know there's a way out, too. We all have our addictions. We all have our everyday battles that beat us down. But let me tell you something: God is bigger. And He wants in on the fight. You don't have to do this alone, no matter what your struggle is. God doesn't want you to try and fix your problems on your own. He knows you can't. He also knows He can. I'm living proof.

In the future, I hope to help women in the church specifically with this food battle. Two-thirds of America is overweight and the church is no exception. What that says to me is that food is an issue that people need God's help with. So often it's looked at as something that we need to do on our own. I mean, it's almost weird to think that God cares if I have another brownie. But He does. God cares about anything that is hurting us. Anything that is the master of us. And if we're consistently overweight and can't manage to control our food choices in order to help that, then food has become our master. I learned that the hard way.

So we'll see what God's going to do with this. I hope to be His tool to help others in any way He sees fit. I want others to experience the freedom that I've come to know. I want everyone to invite Jesus into their battles so that they can finally see victory.

(Steps off soapbox...)

Thank you all for supporting me through this last year. I'm not done yet, I actually still have another 9 pounds I want to lose regardless of what the doctor says, but I know I'll get there soon. Until then, I've got some fun plans to celebrate how far God's brought me when Ben and I go visit my folks in Vegas in a week and a half!

My plan for the future of this blog is to start including some healthy lifestyle "tips" that I've found the most beneficial. That will help keep me on my toes, too, and encourage me to keep looking for ways to be more healthy in a manageable way.

Much love to you all,
Leigh

P.S. Before and After pictures will be coming shortly!! (Ben saw the "before" picture and went, "noooooo..." it was pretty funny.) :)

Getting Close to the Finish Line... the Real One.

Latest update: 161.4 pounds. 71 pounds down. 11.4 to go. Newest finish line date: June 1st.

Funnest part of that update: I'M IN MY SIZE 10 JEANS!!!

Last time I was at the doctor's office he gave me some fantastic news. At my 10 month appointment, I'd lost 90% of my excess weight. (According to his scale I started at 228, and am currently at 167. 160 would put me at a technically healthy body mass index.) What did this mean to me? I've got 7 weeks to drop 7 pounds. And I had one thought.

It. Is. ON.

I mean, come on... I have to at least TRY for it! And so far? So far I'm down 3. In 3 weeks. And I'm on track to get to 100% of my excess weight lost by my next appointment (and a year from my surgery date): May 18. My body's responding pretty quickly to working out again, especially since I've added weights to the regimen.

What God has quickly reminded me is this: I'll get nowhere without His help. And I have to want His plan more than I want my own. So I told Him the truth, that I wanted to get to 160 (on the doc's scale) by May 18. But I also told Him that I didn't want to do this my way. I wanted to do it the right way. His way. So I dove back into Made to Crave and thankfully, the lessons are still rocking my dieting world. Even the 4th time around! 

I'm realizing that a healthy lifestyle with this eating thing is kind of like a healthy marriage. You can't just get lazy once things are good. Eventually, you'll start to slip more and more back into those old bad habits and have to fix it all over again. And I DO NOT want to EVER have to do this again.

Whether or not I hit 160 by that date, I know God has taken me through the worst of this addiction. Mind you, I know I can walk back into at any time, so I'll cling to Jesus as hard as I can from here on out. But if I'll do that, if I'll continue to faithfully renew my mind in His Word, I believe that I won't ever have to be at that desperate place I started ever again. And that is nothing short of miraculous. Food isn't my ruler any more. By God's grace, I am the ruler of my food. And it's gonna stay that way.

As always, your prayers are appreciated. God is doing a lot in my life right now (and my husband's life, too) and I know that being healthy is not the answer to all life's problems. But this last year has taught me so much about who I am in the Lord and how powerful He can be in me that I have faith He can take me through anything. (No, God, that is not a challenge...)

One really fun finish line prize I'm looking forward to? Ben's asked me to go to "prom" with him. Now let me explain... the other night we were at a restaurant and a bunch of high school kids walked by in their fancy dresses and black tuxes. I smiled and sighed. Ben noticed. He knows that in high school I was never asked to prom. (I only went because each year a good guy friend was kind enough to go with me) So he reached over and took my hand and asked, "Will you go to prom with me?" We decided to get all gussied up and go out together. He said he'll even rent a tux. And I realized that would be the perfect way to celebrate me getting to my goal weight. Get in some gorgeous gown and go out on the town with my very own Prince Charming. Yeah, I know, I'm spoiled. And I can't wait.

So my next post will be on May 18. I'll let you know if I "made it", but even if I didn't, I think I can say with confidence that I have faith that I'll get there. And in a lot of the most important ways, I know God's already brought me through. :)

See you in a week and a half!

<3 Leigh

Frustrations, Avoidance and Redemption

So you may have noticed I've been gone awhile. (Or maybe not...) And I have a confession. I've been avoiding you. Not any one of you specifically, but all of you. The truth is I've been avoiding writing here because my scale hasn't moved down. I've gotten a bit frustrated in my struggle with my weight and, quite stupidly, I thought that meant I had no right to write. But God reminded me that frustration is a part of everyone's struggle, regardless of what it is, and it's important to share with you while I'm frustrated. If I don't, I'm short-changing what God's doing. This frustration is part of my path, and I need to have enough faith in what God's going to do to share this part of the story with you. So here goes...

I've been stuck between a rock and a hard place. Specifically, I've been stuck between an injured and a sick place. I have an injury I've been battling for many months now that directly affects my ability to workout the way I normally do. With this comes good news and bad news. The bad news is that I can't do Zumba, which I miss like crazy. The good news is that I haven't been gaining weight. I've stayed the same! This is the first time in my life where I've managed that feat! And by "I've managed that feat" I of course mean God's blessed me as I unwittingly walked the path He chose.

The practical dieting side of the story goes like this:

I have a two or three health conditions that I've been dealing with for a few years now, one of which requires me to take thyroid medication everyday on an empty stomach (empty stomach = 2 hours of not eating before taking the pill, followed by at least 1 hour of not eating). I've always gotten up in the morning, taken my pill and then waited an hour to eat. But after an incident where I basically passed out at a doctor's appointment one morning, I found out I'm borderline hypoglycemic. I also have low blood pressure. All of that meant I had to find a new time to take my thyroid medication, as I had to eat within an hour of waking up. This led me, unwittingly, to the best dieting "trick" ever. I decided I would stop eating two hours before bedtime in order to take my pill on an empty stomach. I also started getting up earlier and making myself an all-protein breakfast every morning, to avoid any more passing out incidents. (Breakfast consists of 2 eggs and deli turkey, if you're curious... so good and so easy!) 

That combo of eating a high protein breakfast and stopping eating at least two hours before bedtime has totally changed how my body holds on to food. See, I haven't been just not working out (once again, due to injury, not by choice), I haven't really been dieting either. I've been careful, not eating the way I did a year ago, that's for sure, but I haven't been counting my calories on Sparkpeople.com like I usually have to. I've just been aware of when I'm hungry and need some food (I stick to protein whenever possible as my stomach does NOT like sugar/carbs on an empty stomach, part of the hypoglycemia), which has meant I've become a "grazer", eating little snacks throughout the day. I eat whatever is reasonable calorically and sounds appetizing. And somehow, my scale hasn't moved. This is nothing short of a miracle.

With all of the above in mind, I decided a few days ago to get my butt in gear again and lose that last 16 pounds before June 1st (Ben and I are going to Vegas for a week and it will be so fun to pack one of my old 2 piece bathing suits!). Just by getting back to tracking what I eat with the two new "rules" in place, I lost 3 pounds in 3 days. WITHOUT WORKING OUT. EATING 1500 CALORIES A DAY. That has NEVER been possible for me before!!! Usually it takes me eating 1000-1200 calories and then working out 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes in order for me to lose weight.

Let me just tell you that I am shocked at how powerful these two new habits are. I have, of course, heard that eating a good breakfast and not eating before bed are good for you, but I had no idea just how good they would be! I'm finally finding a healthy lifestyle I can keep up and not feel like I'm constantly in a state of deprivation. And as always, I didn't do this. God did.

I wouldn't have changed unless I had to. God knows this about me. I'm stubborn in my habits. Eating at night is not something I would give up unless it was absolutely necessary. So God allowed my body to break just enough to make it necessary. Getting up earlier to make myself breakfast falls into the same category... I love to sleep waaay too much and the morning is one of the few times when I'm usually NOT hungry. God knew that needed to change, too. He also knew that regardless of my stubborn habits, my heart's desire is to be healthy and wise with how I eat. So He went around my weakness and found a way to tether His best to a plan I could follow. I'm in awe of His goodness and grace. He continues to blow me away with how He can take something I'm determined to see as a bad thing and redeem it for His glory and my blessing.

I know this was a long post, and major kudos to you for finishing it. I hope and pray it has encouraged you to see that God can redeem things that we are sure are harmful and useless. I also hope that what I've relayed here can help you practically in your weight loss journey, should you be on one.

Until next time,

<3 Leigh

Bring on 2012

First post of 2012! Woohooo!!

Alright, this is gonna be short and sweet. The last two months have flown by and I've managed to maintain my weight, by God's grace. :) Now, it's time to kick things back into high gear. I've got goals for the new year (huge shock, I know) and here they are:

1. 150 pounds by April 1st. (Currently at 167)
2. Get my hip and knee healthy. (Need to go back to physical therapy)
3. Teach a Zumba class.

Those are my big three. I'm hoping to hit my goal weight before April, but I want to keep the timeline realistic and not kill myself trying to make it happen.

So there's my short and sweet blog. I do want to write more, but at the moment this is all my foggy brain can provide. I'll write again soon.

I can't wait to see what 2012 has in store!

<3 Leigh

So Much to Be Thankful For

I can't believe it's been a month since my last post! As always, my apologies... :) 

It's been almost 3 weeks since we've been back from our cruise (which was fantastic! Totally worth all the hard work!) and getting back to real life after 11 days of basically no diet has been tricky. I had my goal of not gaining while I was gone, and while I didn't quite make that, I only gained 2 pounds. I came home weighing 172.4. Happily as of this morning, I'm weighing in at 168.8.

It's been difficult getting back into my healthy habits, especially with no looming cruise deadline. God's had to really work on my motivation and remind me that I choose this lifestyle because I want to be obedient to Him, not because I want to look hot in my size 10 jeans. Made to Crave, the book I've been reading, has been a huge help in getting my focus back where it should be. I'm on my third time through the book and I have a funny feeling it won't be the last time I read it cover to cover.

In the book, Lysa talks about how a way to grow closer to God is to give up something that is permissable but not beneficial. I experienced that in a big way this week. My department at work does a Thanksgiving potluck the week before Thanksgiving, including everything from turkey (the smell wafted through the office all morning as it finished cooking) to mashed potatoes and gravy (my favorite thing ever) to an array of desserts. When situations like this come up in my life, my immediate response is always "well, I won't be dieting on THAT day." But this year, as I struggled to get back on the healthy eating wagon, I felt God tug on my heart. I had been crying to Him that I was having a hard time, and that the department potluck wasn't going to help, and I felt like God said, "So don't eat it. Spend time with Me instead."

Don't eat it? Skip out on the opportunity to stuff my face with all my favorites? Endure the smell of baking turkey for 3 hours and then pass on the chance to EAT IT? Oy. I don't waaaant to. But, when God asks me to do something (or in this case, NOT do something) I have a very hard time saying no. (The guilt is horrific and NEVER worth it) And it was beyond obvious that it was the best choice for me. So I helped set everything up, then snuck off to my favorite coffee shop for a drip coffee and some Jesus time.

I'm so glad I did. The times when I feel God's presence intensely have become so very precious to me, especially in my "grown-up" years. I think He knew I needed that when I was younger in order to hold on to my faith, but now those times are farther between. So as I sat with my headphones in, playing BarlowGirl's "Enough" I started to cry as I felt God's presence reassuring my heart. Food may have power over me, but God's power is greater. He can deliver me. He WAS delivering me, right that second, as I had been given enough will power by His Spirit to walk away from my favorite meal. In that moment it was crystal clear... Food has no lasting benefit. But my relationship with God? It's EVERYTHING.

I know it may not seem like an "either/or" situation, but here's what it comes down to for me: I can either be ruled by food, or ruled by God. I can focus on food or I can focus on God. Even when I'm dieting, if I'm just focused on what I CAN'T have, food is still the ruler of my thoughts. But if I shift my focus, turn my eyes on Jesus, seek first the kingdom of God, I gain everything. Everything that lasts.

I know this struggle with food isn't over, but this week I let God fight one of the battles while I sat by watching. And He SLAUGHTERED my enemy. Maybe one day this lesson will be completely solidified in my head and heart, that if I try to do this on my own, I'll fail. But if I fall at Jesus' feet, He'll carry me through.

So this Thanksgiving season, I'm so very thankful. Thankful for all the amazing blessings God's given to me. And right this second, I'm especially thankful that my God is a warrior who fights for my heart.

I hope you remember what and Who is most important this season. Not in a "you should feel guilty" kind of way... I just know I want to keep Him first in my heart because it is worth so much more than anything this world could offer. Especially mashed potatoes and gravy. ;)

<3 Leigh

Christmas came 2 days early!

A quick update... yesterday I got on the scale, prepared for anything, and found this glorious number staring up at me: 170.2. I MADE IT! Two days ahead of schedule! This is nothing short of a small miracle and I must praise God and give Him all the glory. I'm off to finish packing, but had to share the news as I promised I would. He is so faithful and good to me!

<3 Leigh

Nearing the finish line... sort of.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31

This verse keeps coming back to me. God's so good and He continually brings me to the parts of His Word that most affect my life right now. And right now, I needed the reminder that I'm not on this healthy lifestyle journey to fit into a bikini, I'm on it to gain Him glory. So, in the hopes of gaining Him glory, here's my latest update:

I'm injured. My right hip/knee have been killing me for a few weeks and I finally gave in and went to physical therapy. Turns out my IT band on the right side of my right leg is super tight and pulling at my hip and knee joints. This means I can't do any Zumba or other high impact workouts until I'm all fixed up. I'm sure physical therapy will help me get back to my normally scheduled activities eventually, but for now getting a workout in is tricky. Which means losing weight is tricky. Or at the very least it's slower. That's the bad news.

The good news? God's still answering my prayer to get down to 170 by the cruise date. By His goodness and grace alone, I weighed in this morning at 171.4! With 5 days to go before we leave for the cruise, a pound and a half is completely do-able! And the fact that I really do believe that, even though I'm injured, is a complete miracle. I don't believe I can do this. But I believe God can do this.

Injuries and sickness have plagued my weight loss journey for the last 6 years. I'd get a decent rhythm going for awhile, workout like crazy, eat better (but not great) and start losing weight. Inevitably soon after, though, I'd throw my back out (I have two herniated discs in my back that sporadically act up) or I'd have a Mono relapse (at the time I didn't know that could even HAPPEN) or some other variation of my body giving out on me would occur. Dieting without being able to exercise was always pointless in my mind, and so, frustrated and feeling defeated, I'd head back to the fat wagon.

That is why I can say that me believing God can get me down to 170, regardless of my injury, is such a miracle. Carefully restricting what I ate was never really an option in my mind before now. This time around, however, it's different. I'm different. And how I think about food is very different. I want my life to reflect 1 Cor. 10:31... that whether I eat or drink, I do it to the glory of God. I couldn't ever say that when I was consistently ordering takeout with extra guacamole. I wasn't glorifying God with my food choices. Now, however, I want to. Which doesn't mean I can't ever have chips and guac again. It just means I'll eat them in reasonable portions and with the right mindset. I won't let food rule me. By the Holy Spirit, I will practice self-control and rule my food. Those of you who know me know just what an incredible miracle that is.

So there's your update. I pray it gains God glory and maybe even inspires someone out there to trust God with their weight loss journey, instead of their own abilities. Because I know for me, what it came down to is not letting my appetite be my king. I'm ruled by Jesus Christ, not my cravings for a cheeseburger. And as long as I let Him rule, there's nothing I can't do.

I'll try to write again (even if just to say "I MADE IT!") on Wednesday night or Thursday morning. However, if life gets too crazy, you can count on an update at the beginning of November when Ben and I get back from our cruise. :)

Oh, that reminds me... Please please pleeeease pray for me while I'm on the cruise. Living in a land of 24 hour room service and buffets will be a decent test of my newfound spiritual discipline muscles. My goal is to maintain my weight on the cruise, so I'm not looking to lose any weight while I'm gone, but I do not want to fall back into my old "food rules" habit. As always, this can only happen if I cling to Jesus and His strength.

Much love!
<3 Leigh